Today I got a job. An actual Mon-Fri, paying, adult job. So as of 6pm tonight my titles now include (but are not limited to); Mum, Student, Employee, and part time badass. (I also made the paper but that’s another story!)
And ok, so maybe I’m slightly bigging up the last title there but hey, you gotta love yourself right?
I read somewhere once, or had a conversation with someone (I have too much on my plate to remember), that you can’t be good at everything. And by trying to be amazing at everything you will only fail at more than likely, everything. So you have to pick, what you want to be amazing at, and then focus on those things. Except, being who I am (stubborn, unwilling to conform etc etc), I decided I wanted to excel at being a good role model to my girls. Which sort of means I get to at least attempt to be amazing at all my titles. See what I did there?
I grew up in a very text book sort of household. My parents have been married for nearly 36 years, when we were little my mum stayed at home, and my dad worked away. Ideally, it was sort of what I imagined my life being, that’s ‘normal’ right. Except, reality is, I’m divorced (have been for nearly 5 years), I’m very single, I have three kids, who have two different dads (one of who is not in the picture at all), I’m nearly 30, and it’s only been in the last year or so that I have had any clue as to what I want to do with my ‘life’. So the whole textbook thing kind of got lost in the fire somewhere, or maybe my ex got it in the divorce, I don’t really remember.
Anyway, so I refuse to stop you see. Or slow down. Because aside from the fact that I want to show my girls that you can do whatever you want, and that being a girl, or being single, or being a mature student shouldn’t stop you from chasing your goals. Aside from that, this is my only shot at life. And I am not going to waste it. I could’ve rolled into a ball and admitted defeat when my marriage broke down. I didn’t. I could’ve rolled into a ball ad admitted defeat when my children were born early. I didn’t. You get the idea. Life won’t get the better of me. I am in control of what I do and don’t do and if I am happy or miserable. So i’m choosing life, and I am choosing happy. And busy, obviously.
And anyway, how on earth am I meant to sod off round the world once my nest is empty if I’m not earning any money to fund it? Those first class tickets don’t come cheap! Just so happens my new boss is also going to be my ’round the world’ trip partner in crime so yeah, bonus.
This is life. Right now, today, yesterday, tomorrow, this is your only life. Becoming static, or beige, or plodding through is not for me. Maybe I’m selfish or have unrealistic expectations but I don’t think so. I don’t ever want to strop striving to be better, to make my girls lives better, to educate them, to show them different places, to have experiences. (I actually also really want to go on The Island with Bear Grylls so maybe I need to up the badass stakes slightly.)
So, my plan, is to be a good role model. And by doing that, I’m going to be a mum, and an employee, and a student (although please god not forever), and a more than part time badass. I am not going to settle or plod. I am not ‘supermum’, or inspirational, or a hero. At least I don’t feel like I’m those things. I’m just normal. A normal girl with a lot of drive to be exceptional, and to not settle for anything less.