So I’ve got a date tomorrow. One of those super modern dates that hasn’t been labelled a date. It’s morphed into a sort of double date because apparently we live in this world where the word date dissolves us into insecure, freaked out, less gobby versions of ourselves.
BUT I’ve had a realisation this week where I’m starting to think we just over complicate stuff. I am pretty practical and rational in almost every other aspect of my life, except for when it comes to dating. I avoid dating at mostly all costs, I’m rubbish at it. Or at least I thought I was. I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s just my refusal to buy into the ‘game’ of dating that makes me so shit at it. Except for my refusal to double text, I always win that game (because I’m stubborn and a bit of a control freak), Everyone else makes it complicated, that’s my conclusion.
Those days of your friend telling his friend that you liked him and would he like your number? Those days were easy compared to what you’re faced with now. Someone needs to write a rule book (not me, I’m too busy), on ‘how to date when you’re 30, in 2016’ except it’ll need to be an e-book or available to stream because no one actually reads books these days, jesus get with the times.
Loads of different chapters on ‘what to do if he hasn’t replied to your text for 4 hours’ and ‘does he like me even though we had sex’ and ‘how to tell when it becomes a ‘thing” When did it all get so complicated?
I’ll admit, I tried the Tinder thing for a while. Crashed and burned pretty quickly too. Meeting someone online just seems too forced, too inorganic to me. And actually, I’m just not interested enough to get to know a complete stranger. I had almost convinced myself it was because I’m so ‘complicated’ but in fact, I just can’t be arsed with the whole stupid game.
I have too little time or inclination to sit around wondering if I need to wait to reply to their last text, if I should be the one to suggest a date, if the fact he’s been on Facebook but hasn’t texted back means he just doesn’t like me.
I’m actually not insecure enough to play this dating game that seems to played by almost every other single person out there today. I’m confident enough, and happy enough to vocalise if I like someone. And I think most other people are too, we just don’t. Because then we’re not following the rules and fuck me, we’re actually being honest.
People seem so wrapped up in what other people think of them, or how they will be judged that we try and box our personalities up and conform to what is normal. Seems to me if we just stopped overthinking stuff and acted like ourselves a bit more then things might just be fun…and who doesn’t like to have fun.
Here’s what I think. If you’re dating someone, or seeing someone, or casually sleeping with someone and want to ask ‘do you like me?’ Or ‘is this a thing?’ Or whatever, then ASK. If you don’t feel like you can ask, for fear of seeming to needy or too clingy or too much like you have some genuine emotion, or because you’re scared of the answer, then end it. Seriously, life is too short and we are all worth so much more than to be stuck wondering if he or she likes us. And if he or she doesn’t like you, or doesn’t appreciate you, or can’t see how fucking exceptional you are? Well that’s their loss. Rules were made to be broken after all.
Except for the double text rule. Don’t ever do that.