A few people have asked my recently why I started to blog. The easy, off the cuff answer is that I wanted to keep my challenge in the front of people’s minds. If I was I continuously talking about what I was doing then I would surely raise more money?
Except that’s not it really. I started to write during a pretty shit year last year. I was controlling what I put into my body in a desperate bid to grasp some control of my situation, I had emersed myself in the gym in another desperate bid to transform myself into a version that would be ‘enough’. I wasn’t enough. So I wanted to transform myself into enough so I would be happy.
But it doesn’t work like that does it? I was already enough. I am still enough. You are already enough. I promise you that you are.
It’s so easy to say. A lot harder to actually believe. And that is why I write, to put it all out there. Because the fact that people don’t feel like they are enough makes me furious. I find it so much easier to be me than I ever did when I was trying to be not me. Writing about my life and what makes me tick helps to remind me that actually, I’m pretty cool thanks. We’re all pretty cool.
There are days, sometimes more than one in a row, where I believe I am enough. I am nailing the shit out of life, I am in shape, I have nice hair, my eyebrows look good and I have sass. I own all of my shit and ain’t nobody gunna bring me down. There are also days where I don’t believe it. Where I am shit. Where I’m not good enough and I’m just sort of floating in all of the shit wondering what the hell happened.
And we all have days like that. Where we maybe feel a bit bloated and question if we’re skinny enough or fit enough. Where we get our feelings chipped at by a boy (or girl) and we wonder why we weren’t enough for them. Where we don’t train well or run fast and wonder if we’re good enough or maybe just a bit arrogant? Yeah we all have those days. The trick is to remember that – 1. You probably ate too much fibre yesterday hence the bloat, 2. That boy or girl wasn’t good enough for you. Fuck them. 3. Everyone has off days. You’re next run will be better. Chuck a smile on and keep going.
I also know some things to be true. Mostly that we are our harshest critics. So if you’re wondering if you are enough let me tell you. You are.
Ok so you’re not perfect. But let me let you in on the biggest secret out there – no one is perfect. Perfection doesn’t exist. If anyone ever tries to tell you that you can acheieve perfection punch them in their not so perfect face and run away. You are not perfect but you are enough.
So you’re not perfect. But you know what you are? You. Are. Amazing. You’re a badass. There is something inside of YOU that no one else on the planet possesses. That’s pretty incredible I think. You are meant for greatness. Find out what that greatness is, find it and love it and own it.
There will be people out there that try and convince you that you’re not enough. Ignore them. Even when it’s really hard. Don’t punch them, because you’ll get arrested, but ignore them. You’ll also at some point attempt to mould yourself into someone you think you should be. Don’t do that either. You’ll get half way through the process and realise you don’t recognise the person you ‘should’ be and you’ll have to start again. So just don’t start. Because you’re already enough. Fuck anyone who makes you feel like you’re not.
We live in a world where outside opinion and external comparison is rife. That, coupled with our own low self esteem can make the world a scary place. Everyone questions their self worth at some point. Some days more than others. But just try and remember, on the bad days especially, that you are enough. You always have been. You always will be.