Saturday 7th Jan. 3:13am
I woke up to parent #2 who was ill with a high temp and stomach pains. 
This is #3. Out for the count in MY bed. Again. 

Bed thief at work.

It got me thinking about this parenting malarkey.  

So here are my thoughts after 9 years in the game;

1. Sometimes they just don’t need sleep.

This has been quite apparent in our house of late and in fact #3 only fell asleep at midnight last night. She has also been known on more than one occasion to just ping awake at 4am and announce ‘my have teetabix (weetabix)’ and then I spend the rest of the day trying to keep her awake until it’s socially acceptable to put her to bed hoping she’ll sleep all night, and not wake up at 8:30pm raring to go after a two hour ‘nap’. 

2. Never bake with them. Or buy playdough

Seriously. It’s just not worth the stress. You’ll only be driven to wine and that’s bad for you too. Keeping your sanity and going to the bakers is a MUCH BETTER IDEA. Save that shit for the delightful people at Playgroups and nurseries. That’s what they’re there for. 

3. I am my mother. 

I say things like “because I said so OK!” And “it doesn’t matter why, just do it!” and my absolute favourite “Will you please stop giving me attitude”.

My advice? Just got with it. It’s going to happen to us all. Mums know best and all that. 

4. Everyone has an opinion. 
Literally every single thing you will do as a parent will incur the opinion of someone. So what. Are you raising their children? No. You’re raising yours. So let them get on with it. Pick what advice you take onboard and forget the rest. 

5. Co-sleeping isn’t a thing. 
You will not sleep. The baby will. But you won’t. You’ll be kicked and shoved and some nights you’ll be randomly smacked in the face as the baby fights ninjas in her sleep. But you will not sleep. In fact you’ll never sleep again. Ever. Sorry. 

6. Time no longer means anything. 

Simple tasks like brushing their teeth will take BLOODY HOURS. But school days whizz by in a blink of an eye. One minute it’s 5pm then four days later it’s 5:30pm. Some days bedtime takes a whole month to arrive. Children are aware of this too, and will chose the four days between 5-5:30pm to be absolute shites. But at school they’ll behave. Which is also ok. Go figure. 

7. It doesn’t matter if the dishes get done. 

No one will die. The world will not end. If you’re tired and you’ve had a shit day then drink some wine and go to bed. At the end of the day the dishes aren’t important, you are. Look after yourself sometimes. 

8. They are totally worth it. 

All the sleepless nights, all the endless days, all the stress and hardened playdough. It’s all worth it. Because after nearly 9 years in this funny old game called parenting the only thing I know for sure is, you’ll never be the owner of your heart again.

Mini Sharks #1 and #2…