You wont remember the day we met, it was a while ago, we were both younger then. You wont remember, but I do. It was a day that changed everything.
Everyone said it would be a natural thing, that it would just come instinctively. That didn’t happen. I kept waiting for it, kept waiting for this big rush of unconditional love. If I’m being honest then I’m still waiting. But I do know, that although it didn’t hit me in the face all of a sudden, there was a definite moment when I realised that I would die for you, when I realised that the love I have for you is so ferocious that it is unlike anything I have ever felt, or indeed will ever feel again. That I do in fact love you unconditionally.
For ours is a relationship like no other. We’ve been through a lot together. From the nights where you kept me awake kicking me to death from inside, to the nights where we walked the halls together and watched monotonous TV just to stay awake during the night feeds. You are the only person who can wake me up at midnight after a bad dream, and then again at 2am because you need the toilet, and then again at 4am because you just need a cuddle. There will always be time in my day and space in my bed for you to crawl into. Life can be busy and I am sometimes tired, but I am never tired with you, I am never tired enough to not love you or cuddle you.
There are some days when I think about you a lot, when I wonder what you’re doing or what you’re thinking, if you’re ok or if someone has made you upset or embarrassed. I wonder if in 20 years when you are grown and gone if I will still wonder about you as much. If I will sit at home and wonder if you’ve got the tube home ok or if you’re eating properly, or if that boy you’ve been dating is as nice to you as he needs to be. I hope I do. I can’t imagine not. Please know that you can call me at anytime, wherever you are in the world, whatever time it is. I am, and always will be here for you. Don’t ever doubt that.
There are also days when we drive each other to the edge, when we push each others buttons and we fall out. We are both quite stubborn and we can rub each other up the wrong way. These are the days when I sometimes wonder what life would’ve been like if I hadn’t had you, or if I would have been better at it had I been older, or if I had been more ‘adult like’. I feel guilty that I don’t feel as though I was ready for you and that I sometimes wish you weren’t around. I sometimes think life would be much easier if you weren’t here, but that thought doesn’t last long. Life may well be easier, but it would be a very empty life.
For you fill up the spaces that day to day monotony cannot and will not ever fill. You are the adventure and the excitement and the joy in everything. The look on your face when you achieve something hard is indescribable, the feeling that I get when I see you perform, or when you create something, or see something you love, or in fact just when I see you is something that cannot be matched by anything else. For you are everything, and you are mine.
You changed me in so many ways that fateful day we met. I am not the same, and neither are you. You have made me the person I am today and I love you. I love you for who you are and also for who you have made me. I am a better person because of you, please always know that.
Life can be tricky, there will be times when you wander from your path, and this might happen more than once. There will be curves along the way that no one can predict. Stick in, stay true to who you are and what you believe and chase your dreams. Always, always chase your dreams. Don’t settle. Work hard, be brave, and go for it. I’ve got your back, I have done since the very first day you were two tiny lines on a test, and I will do – always.